want to know what i find comical? the fact that i kick my ass when i feel myself gaining weight. why the heck should i be getting mad at myself if I'm the one making the decision to eat it...
then that made me think even more. why do we kick ourselves when we eat fatty foods? who in the hell told us to stay a curtain weight. I know this question has been asked plenty of times. its just I'm finally letting it all sink in. and I'm finally yelling FUCK BEING SKINNY!!" with my fat middle finger in the air! lets cut the shit about how losing weight will help us live a longer life. my grandmother eats tortillas and gravy and fried everything and she is as healthy as a horse.
Now I'm mot saying we should eat tubs of lard and bathe in grease. I'm simply saying we should love how God made us. i have been trying to lose weight for maybe two years now and i continue to gain it back. I'm definitely taking that as a sign.
the other day my mother was talking to me about how she thought i should start thinking seriously about losing some weight. (because apparently the other times i was just joking around about losing it....) anyway she wants to send me off to this camp in the area that will help me lose it. the thing is what exactly will they do for me that i cant already do myself? or that i haven't already tried?? the fact of the matter is: i love being me. big or small. my spirit is what will live on anyhow.
xoxo
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
sorry for the absence!
update!
so Christmas was the last time i spoke to you guys right?
okay so i started school in January and its going pretty good. Ive met a lot of really neat people. i started working and its draining me.. from going to school all day and then going to work til midnight. then i come home and do homework. it kinda kicks my ass. but it will all the be worth it in the end.
but my roommates are another story. i lived with one other roommate before but i moved in with her right out of my parents. then i moved into my own place and i got spoiled on that. everything they do i want to turn to them and kick them in the face with steel toed boots with a running start. yea its that bad. okay lets start with my roommate Cal.
He eats everything in sight. everything there are never leftovers. it wasted a lot of money. and i hate it. another thing is he doesn't go to work til 3 in the afternoon everyday. gets off at 11. yet he cant seem to clean the house like ever. it just gets on my nerves cause me and my other roommate have to pick up his slack and trash yet we work way more than he does.
now my other roommate Ruben....he and i have been friends since middle school. and i love him to death! really i do. but i don't think living with him was my best idea. you know how people say never live with your best friend because 120% of the time money tears them apart. well money isn't the direct issue but i can tell that because he makes a whole lot more than me he seems to think that he has this control over me. do you honestly think that is fair?
Thats all for now I have to go get some homework done! xoxo
so Christmas was the last time i spoke to you guys right?
okay so i started school in January and its going pretty good. Ive met a lot of really neat people. i started working and its draining me.. from going to school all day and then going to work til midnight. then i come home and do homework. it kinda kicks my ass. but it will all the be worth it in the end.
but my roommates are another story. i lived with one other roommate before but i moved in with her right out of my parents. then i moved into my own place and i got spoiled on that. everything they do i want to turn to them and kick them in the face with steel toed boots with a running start. yea its that bad. okay lets start with my roommate Cal.
He eats everything in sight. everything there are never leftovers. it wasted a lot of money. and i hate it. another thing is he doesn't go to work til 3 in the afternoon everyday. gets off at 11. yet he cant seem to clean the house like ever. it just gets on my nerves cause me and my other roommate have to pick up his slack and trash yet we work way more than he does.
now my other roommate Ruben....he and i have been friends since middle school. and i love him to death! really i do. but i don't think living with him was my best idea. you know how people say never live with your best friend because 120% of the time money tears them apart. well money isn't the direct issue but i can tell that because he makes a whole lot more than me he seems to think that he has this control over me. do you honestly think that is fair?
Thats all for now I have to go get some homework done! xoxo
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, December 27, 2010
Merry Fucking Christmas.
Christmas is always entertaining in my family. i guess we all enjoy a little drama. it gets us through the day? I'm no too sure, either way we are either causing it or are being pulled into it. my step sister is a 16 year old little shit. no joke she is so spoiled. and it pisses me off, she is all about material things and all the up to date things that are in. don't get me wrong i enjoy things like that as well. but i sure as hell will not cry if i don't get my way!! this is what happen Christmas eve. my mom has been trying really hard to show my step dads kids that she isn't an evil person. regardless of how much their mother says she is. so she thought it would be great if his kids and me (her only kid) would get together and exchange gifts. it was a 30 dollar limit and it was going to be like the Chinese gift exchange were you draw a number and only get one gift. so when my step sister found this out she wasn't too happy about it. after the game was over she was the one that ended up with the best gift. ($100 visa gift card and a $25 gift card to Chili's, way over $30) and she said 'ugh, i don't like this game, its stupid. i think me need to get multiple gifts. is there anyway i can exchange this gift for a IPhone? cause this one is really lame!" my step dad simply said "no electronics this year i told you that so that is that." back up really fast!- my dad was NOT going to buy her a iPhone anyway because she continues to break the phone she has already and with the iPhone you only get two replacements a year if it breaks and that's only if you have insurance on the phone. okay so after she said that i added (not in a rude tone at all!) 'christmas is about Jesus' birthday and family getting together to celebrate that, its not about what gift you get. its sad that a lot of people seem to make that what its all about.' and the chick starts CRYING!!! we all ignore it cause i mean it was stupid to get all dramatic about such a simple thing. so a few minutes go by and i cant hold my tongue any longer! at all!! so i said to her 'i may be way out of line right now but i cant hold it in any longer. Miranda, why are you so upset that you didn't get an iPhone you already knew that there weren't going to be any electronics this year!' and of course she gets even more upset because...because...shit i don't know why she got so dang upset. so Josh her older brother adds, 'well its been put on hold for a long time, she has been wanting an iPhone for awhile now and she still has yet to receive it'
so then i told him 'shes 16 years old what exactly does she need an iPhone for?!' then....he started crying! no joke! he started fucking crying! and I'm like what the hell did i say! Miranda then looked at me and said 'you don't understand, my mom has been there for US our entire life, she has bought us everything we ever needed and wanted. obviously she has been there for us. and our dad,well he hasn't.' i asked her 'so your dad has to buy you things in order to know that he is there for you?' (i mean right? that's some dumb ass shit to say) she told me 'its not that its..' i don't know what the hell she was saying cause i was sooo pissed she would even try to pull that bull on me! i cut her off and said 'i can NOT believe you are trying to play that pity card! you three are sooo fucking lucky to even have a dad that wants to be in your life, let alone receive gifts from him. my real dad wants nothing to do with me! he doesn't call just to see what I'm doing, or even say 'hi' when we run into each other! you three see your dad more often then i see mine and my dad lives her and your dad lives 4 hours away. that shut them up. good. me and Seante (my dads other daughter) get up and give my step dad and my mom a hug and kiss. thank them for dinner and leave. (oh Seante feels the same exactly way. Seante wasn't raised by Miranda's mom so she is nothing like them thank heaven) Josh later called me and says he is sorry about getting so upset over nothing. he didn't know my situation. i wouldn't even accept it. i just told him 'its just really sad that there are people like you who are always wanting more. its about giving not receiving. and I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. you really hurt your dad by only calling when you three need something. later that night my step dad took me and Seante out to this giant tree in town to take pictures, and while we were all enjoying ourselves he stopped and told us, 'you two girls, you two are the best daughters in the world. and i love that you love me regardless of what i buy you!
i love my step dad, he is more of a father then i ever had. and i know he doesn't have to be.
xoxo
so then i told him 'shes 16 years old what exactly does she need an iPhone for?!' then....he started crying! no joke! he started fucking crying! and I'm like what the hell did i say! Miranda then looked at me and said 'you don't understand, my mom has been there for US our entire life, she has bought us everything we ever needed and wanted. obviously she has been there for us. and our dad,well he hasn't.' i asked her 'so your dad has to buy you things in order to know that he is there for you?' (i mean right? that's some dumb ass shit to say) she told me 'its not that its..' i don't know what the hell she was saying cause i was sooo pissed she would even try to pull that bull on me! i cut her off and said 'i can NOT believe you are trying to play that pity card! you three are sooo fucking lucky to even have a dad that wants to be in your life, let alone receive gifts from him. my real dad wants nothing to do with me! he doesn't call just to see what I'm doing, or even say 'hi' when we run into each other! you three see your dad more often then i see mine and my dad lives her and your dad lives 4 hours away. that shut them up. good. me and Seante (my dads other daughter) get up and give my step dad and my mom a hug and kiss. thank them for dinner and leave. (oh Seante feels the same exactly way. Seante wasn't raised by Miranda's mom so she is nothing like them thank heaven) Josh later called me and says he is sorry about getting so upset over nothing. he didn't know my situation. i wouldn't even accept it. i just told him 'its just really sad that there are people like you who are always wanting more. its about giving not receiving. and I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. you really hurt your dad by only calling when you three need something. later that night my step dad took me and Seante out to this giant tree in town to take pictures, and while we were all enjoying ourselves he stopped and told us, 'you two girls, you two are the best daughters in the world. and i love that you love me regardless of what i buy you!
i love my step dad, he is more of a father then i ever had. and i know he doesn't have to be.
xoxo
Thursday, December 23, 2010
family and other liars
I'm sorry I haven't really been updating as much lately. Just been really caught up in everyday life dramas! anyway lets catch up shall we?
I'm moving outta this hell hole! i moved in to my awesome house this past weekend but have to finish up here in town before i can go there. and the day cant come soon enough! i hate my job and everyone there! so much drama in a place. I'm the youngest one there and i feel like i am the one that causes the least about of drama. Don't get me wrong i love listening to all the 'he said she said' details. but sometimes is just silly things!
Found out my cousin is pregnant AGAIN! and she is only 15. she was pregers last year but she lost the baby. I figured she would have learned her lesson then but apparently not. this time her dad found out and well he did what we all expected him to do and kicked her out. so she is living with my other aunt for the near future. the thing is she isn't even upset that she is pregnant she is more upset that she has to quit cheer leading and move to a different town, which proves she is nowhere near ready to be a mother. Its hard for me to be there for her. I treated her as a sister because there is a big age difference between her and her real sister. and i would tell her over and over again i cant tell her she cant have sex but to at least to use protection. she finally admitted to me tonight that she never has used protection because her BF swore he would pull out. Sorry TMI about her! anyway...
The fact that Christmas is about three days away has me a little stressed. cutting this short!
Merry Christmas I don't talk to you guys then!
xoxo
I'm moving outta this hell hole! i moved in to my awesome house this past weekend but have to finish up here in town before i can go there. and the day cant come soon enough! i hate my job and everyone there! so much drama in a place. I'm the youngest one there and i feel like i am the one that causes the least about of drama. Don't get me wrong i love listening to all the 'he said she said' details. but sometimes is just silly things!
Found out my cousin is pregnant AGAIN! and she is only 15. she was pregers last year but she lost the baby. I figured she would have learned her lesson then but apparently not. this time her dad found out and well he did what we all expected him to do and kicked her out. so she is living with my other aunt for the near future. the thing is she isn't even upset that she is pregnant she is more upset that she has to quit cheer leading and move to a different town, which proves she is nowhere near ready to be a mother. Its hard for me to be there for her. I treated her as a sister because there is a big age difference between her and her real sister. and i would tell her over and over again i cant tell her she cant have sex but to at least to use protection. she finally admitted to me tonight that she never has used protection because her BF swore he would pull out. Sorry TMI about her! anyway...
The fact that Christmas is about three days away has me a little stressed. cutting this short!
Merry Christmas I don't talk to you guys then!
xoxo
Friday, December 3, 2010
Pepperoni and Pineapple
Pizza is pretty awesome no matter when you have it. breakfast, lunch, dinner, midnight, even at four in the morning it kicks ass! or so i thought until I went to a Gattis (a pizza place in town) with my friend Tierney Weaver. first a little history lesson... I have this thing about men. Ive noticed that I'll want a guy so bad it hurts that i cant have him. Then when i finally 'get him', (as in 'get him' i mean to like me back or i get him in bed, which ever.) anyway so this one guy Justin, is a prime example. He moved into my apartment complex in late July but i didn't meet him until mid-August. anyway so pretty much right away i started liking him. and i kinda made it obvious, when i said kinda i mean i hardcore let him know. i told him straight up i was into him but he said that the age difference was too much and that because of the age difference we wouldn't have the same interest. so...naturally that made me want him even more! so fast forward a couple of months, and he comes over and somehow we end up making out, so my interest in him fell. then we have sex and he's all 'we need to go out and do stuff' or like 'i like that i met someone like you' i honestly cant remember what he said. so at this point i lose interest. I move out of the complex and i don't say bye, nothing. this was a few weeks ago.
soo.. i told you that to tell you this: (i know! i have no idea why you are still reading)
like i said before i went to lunch with Tierney and guess who walks through the door. yep! Justin hahaha So I'm like 'crap! how do i hid?' but when i see him i freak out because it was awkward last time we spoke. he would ask me to go out with him a few time and i always declined. and i could tell he was getting upset at the fact that i wasn't interested anymore. and at this point I'm still not interested in him at all. so i keep my distance. then later i notice he is with this random girl i have never seen before. but i can tell that she is the girl that he use to say reminded him of me. they seem flirty and kinda 'together' you know? but i also keep catching him staring at me. but then it feels like I'm staring at him to see if he is staring at me, and its just this huge ass awkward lunch hour and I'm ready to run. then all of a sudden this jealousy feeling falls all over me! like i jealous of this chick he is out with but i don't even know if they are together i just feel it.
i want him so bad now! like i want to drive to his house and just kiss him or something. but i know for a fact that the second after I'm going to lose all interests hahah
so i think its best to just leave him alone, especially since i am living town in a few weeks!
xoxo
soo.. i told you that to tell you this: (i know! i have no idea why you are still reading)
like i said before i went to lunch with Tierney and guess who walks through the door. yep! Justin hahaha So I'm like 'crap! how do i hid?' but when i see him i freak out because it was awkward last time we spoke. he would ask me to go out with him a few time and i always declined. and i could tell he was getting upset at the fact that i wasn't interested anymore. and at this point I'm still not interested in him at all. so i keep my distance. then later i notice he is with this random girl i have never seen before. but i can tell that she is the girl that he use to say reminded him of me. they seem flirty and kinda 'together' you know? but i also keep catching him staring at me. but then it feels like I'm staring at him to see if he is staring at me, and its just this huge ass awkward lunch hour and I'm ready to run. then all of a sudden this jealousy feeling falls all over me! like i jealous of this chick he is out with but i don't even know if they are together i just feel it.
i want him so bad now! like i want to drive to his house and just kiss him or something. but i know for a fact that the second after I'm going to lose all interests hahah
so i think its best to just leave him alone, especially since i am living town in a few weeks!
xoxo
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Flu.
I always feel bad calling into work when I'm not really sick, just not bad enough to not do it. These past two days were perfect, i really feel like i need them. especially since i absolutely hate my job! my last day should have been at the end of this week, but my boss decided she should screw me over and make me stay til the end of the year in order to get my bonus. And I might talk slow but I'm not stupid so of course i agreed i just like to bitch about it obviously. anyway! i feel like I'm living the life of a hobo cause i didn't shower today. (don't judge me)
So Christmas is coming up and this is the only one that i really cant wait for to be over, cause that will mean that i am in my new house!! ahh i can not wait! all my life, and I'm talking even when i was growing up with my mom, i have always lived in an apartment. its gonna be really weird having my own driveway and backyard. Being able to bang on the wall and no one getting pissed that you're being loud. I seriously cant wait. another reason i cant wait til Christmas is over, I'm broke this year and i didn't buy anyone jack! not even my mother!
Ive decided that a good chunk of my own family are complete idiots. lets start with my cousin Misty, she and I used to be really close when we were younger. always going to camping trips with our grandfather then all of a sudden we stopped. now a days she all "I'm so much better then everyone because i married a rich man" little does she know, he's actually cheating on her with three woman from the same town, one of them being her coworker. and if she does know well she's still a dumb ass.
my cousin Nando...well he Mister Awesome because he went to a University. oh wait did i mention he is 27 years old and is still living with him momma and has no job! his degree is just a freaking piece of paper when he doesn't do anything with it....and the boy tells me that I need to take responsibility for myself! ha ha what a ass! I'm sure all of this is gonna come back and kick me in the ass, but i was brought up to say what i feel..so that's what I'm doing!
xoxo
So Christmas is coming up and this is the only one that i really cant wait for to be over, cause that will mean that i am in my new house!! ahh i can not wait! all my life, and I'm talking even when i was growing up with my mom, i have always lived in an apartment. its gonna be really weird having my own driveway and backyard. Being able to bang on the wall and no one getting pissed that you're being loud. I seriously cant wait. another reason i cant wait til Christmas is over, I'm broke this year and i didn't buy anyone jack! not even my mother!
Ive decided that a good chunk of my own family are complete idiots. lets start with my cousin Misty, she and I used to be really close when we were younger. always going to camping trips with our grandfather then all of a sudden we stopped. now a days she all "I'm so much better then everyone because i married a rich man" little does she know, he's actually cheating on her with three woman from the same town, one of them being her coworker. and if she does know well she's still a dumb ass.
my cousin Nando...well he Mister Awesome because he went to a University. oh wait did i mention he is 27 years old and is still living with him momma and has no job! his degree is just a freaking piece of paper when he doesn't do anything with it....and the boy tells me that I need to take responsibility for myself! ha ha what a ass! I'm sure all of this is gonna come back and kick me in the ass, but i was brought up to say what i feel..so that's what I'm doing!
xoxo
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