hell yea i'll have seconds!

want to know what i find comical? the fact that i kick my ass when i feel myself gaining weight. why the heck should i be getting mad at myself if I'm the one making the decision to eat it...
then that made me think even more. why do we kick ourselves when we eat fatty foods? who in the hell told us to stay a curtain weight. I know this question has been asked plenty of times. its just I'm finally letting it all sink in. and I'm finally yelling FUCK BEING SKINNY!!" with my fat middle finger in the air! lets cut the shit about how losing weight will help us live a longer life. my grandmother eats tortillas and gravy and fried everything and she is as healthy as a horse.

Now I'm mot saying we should eat tubs of lard and bathe in grease. I'm simply saying we should love how God made us. i have been trying to lose weight for maybe two years now and i continue to gain it back. I'm definitely taking that as a sign.

the other day my mother was talking to me about how she thought i should start thinking seriously about losing some weight. (because apparently the other times i was just joking around about losing it....) anyway she wants to send me off to this camp in the area that will help me lose it. the thing is what exactly will they do for me that i cant already do myself? or that i haven't already tried?? the fact of the matter is: i love being me. big or small. my spirit is what will live on anyhow.
xoxo

sorry for the absence!

update!
so Christmas was the last time i spoke to you guys right?
okay so i started school in January and its going pretty good. Ive met a lot of really neat people. i started working and its draining me.. from going to school all day and then going to work til midnight. then i come home and do homework. it kinda kicks my ass. but it will all the be worth it in the end.
but my roommates are another story. i lived with one other roommate before but i moved in with her right out of my parents. then i moved into my own place and i got spoiled on that. everything they do i want to turn to them and kick them in the face with steel toed boots with a running start. yea its that bad. okay lets start with my roommate Cal.
He eats everything in sight. everything there are never leftovers. it wasted a lot of money. and i hate it. another thing is he doesn't go to work til 3 in the afternoon everyday. gets off at 11. yet he cant seem to clean the house like ever. it just gets on my nerves cause me and my other roommate have to pick up his slack and trash yet we work way more than he does.
now my other roommate Ruben....he and i have been friends since middle school. and i love him to death! really i do. but i don't think living with him was my best idea. you know how people say never live with your best friend because 120% of the time money tears them apart. well money isn't the direct issue but i can tell that because he makes a whole lot more than me he seems to think that he has this control over me. do you honestly think that is fair?

Thats all for now I have to go get some homework done! xoxo

love...

fuck it.

the. end.